Missing the Beach and the Girls

So in the past couple of weeks, I think I have been stressed with work, moving, life in general. The boy and I had talked about taking a beach vacation in August, but it is kind of up in the air at the moment with the house hunt and moving We have been talking a lot about where, as in location, that we will live lately, and I think that is really stressing me out, or making me kind of home sick, for the old home I knew and loved. I miss the beach, the water, the girls and hanging out a lot. A lot more than I even realized.

I think part of that has to do with the friendships that I had made over the past couple of years kind of disintegrating over the past couple of months. When I had my surgery in January, I think they just kind of forgot about me and moved on and now I am never included in anything, not even emails. It really hurts my feelings a lot because it was a really tough time for me, not being able to drive, I was in a lot of pain and very bored, and not one of them came by to see me, and the one girl that I was (or thought I was) closest too never emailed me, called me or came by to see me once. She sent flowers the day after, but that was it. And while I appreciated the flowers, it was my friend that I really needed. I have seen her a couple of times over the past month or so, and she just acts like nothing had happened. She has never even asked me once how I am or how I am feeling.

I guess it made me think a lot about my girls out East and how much I really miss them and their friendships. Now, five years later, our lives have all changed and they have moved on. I don't see or hear from them nearly as much as I used to. Some have kids now, have gotten married, moved away from our beach community, but in my hearts they all got me through some very hard times in my life (divorce, cancer, moving back to Minnie) and were always there for me, like friends should be. I guess it is time for me to move on now too and realize that things may not always be what you think you are. Makes it really hard to trust and form new relationships though. Man, I miss these girls and these fun times. The beach all day, making plans for the evening, home to shower and then throw on a simple easy dress most days and then out at night!

I know life goes on, and I am happy to have someone as wonderful as the boy in my life, I think I just miss these girls, the beach and the East coast at the moment. The thought of moving away from the water (the lakes here now) and to the burbs just makes me feel like I can't breath well. I am sure we will find something, and hopefully soon, I just hope we can find something that we are both happy with. Thinking about these other girls today, the ones here, makes me wonder how they feel and if they even realize they have hurt my feelings at all, or if they even care. Who would think at 40 that I would be dealing with female friendships like this? I feel like I am in high school or something. . .