Wednesday, May 05, 2010

Missing the Beach and the Girls

So in the past couple of weeks, I think I have been stressed with work, moving, life in general. The boy and I had talked about taking a beach vacation in August, but it is kind of up in the air at the moment with the house hunt and moving We have been talking a lot about where, as in location, that we will live lately, and I think that is really stressing me out, or making me kind of home sick, for the old home I knew and loved. I miss the beach, the water, the girls and hanging out a lot. A lot more than I even realized.

I think part of that has to do with the friendships that I had made over the past couple of years kind of disintegrating over the past couple of months. When I had my surgery in January, I think they just kind of forgot about me and moved on and now I am never included in anything, not even emails. It really hurts my feelings a lot because it was a really tough time for me, not being able to drive, I was in a lot of pain and very bored, and not one of them came by to see me, and the one girl that I was (or thought I was) closest too never emailed me, called me or came by to see me once. She sent flowers the day after, but that was it. And while I appreciated the flowers, it was my friend that I really needed. I have seen her a couple of times over the past month or so, and she just acts like nothing had happened. She has never even asked me once how I am or how I am feeling.

I guess it made me think a lot about my girls out East and how much I really miss them and their friendships. Now, five years later, our lives have all changed and they have moved on. I don't see or hear from them nearly as much as I used to. Some have kids now, have gotten married, moved away from our beach community, but in my hearts they all got me through some very hard times in my life (divorce, cancer, moving back to Minnie) and were always there for me, like friends should be. I guess it is time for me to move on now too and realize that things may not always be what you think you are. Makes it really hard to trust and form new relationships though. Man, I miss these girls and these fun times. The beach all day, making plans for the evening, home to shower and then throw on a simple easy dress most days and then out at night!

I know life goes on, and I am happy to have someone as wonderful as the boy in my life, I think I just miss these girls, the beach and the East coast at the moment. The thought of moving away from the water (the lakes here now) and to the burbs just makes me feel like I can't breath well. I am sure we will find something, and hopefully soon, I just hope we can find something that we are both happy with. Thinking about these other girls today, the ones here, makes me wonder how they feel and if they even realize they have hurt my feelings at all, or if they even care. Who would think at 40 that I would be dealing with female friendships like this? I feel like I am in high school or something. . . 


Preppy in Pink said...

You look so happy!

Liza said...

Just found your blog and I wanted to comment on your post. As for the girls that never contacted you after your surgery, I would say good-bye and good riddance to them. Anyone who doesn't stand by you in a definite time of need, isn't really worth your time anyway. As for your friends up North, I would say try and track them down! How about Facebook or something like that? I have reconnected with a lot of old friends that way and I am really glad I did. Some have become great friends again today like they used to be. You never know, they could be missing you too!

Just my thoughts for what they are worth....I hope you feel better soon. I have been somewhat down in the dumps lately too so I know how it feels. And I DO live in New England so you can email me if you want any "tastes of the North" :)

Jill said...

So sorry, Jilly. The comment about not needing the flowers but needing a friend is so true. I think, as women, we struggle and have new "friendship seasons" our whole life. As we move from high school to college to a new job to dating to marriage and then to kids people who are not in that "season" do tend to kind of drift off. I feel like I am the keeper and the cruise director for my friends here and if I don't reach out to them, they rarely reach out to me. And most of them are single or divorced with no children or grown children...while I am married and so so busy with three young children. I often say to my husband "as if I'm not busy enough, I also have to be the one to always make the effort". So, I am just saying I feel for you and with you. If I was there in Minnie I'd ring you up and say "Let's go out for dinner. And you order the wine 'cause you have such great taste!" Hugs!