Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Getting Involved

After making the decision to cut J & A out of my life, I realized how few friends here I really do have. I mean real true good friends. Not that I really think that they were, maybe to an extent, but not the types of people that I want to surround myself with. Out East, my friends there would be single, had a boyfriend or were in a committed relationship, lived with a significant other or were married. It was easier to have a wide variety of people like that in my life because I had known those people for so long that I watched their relationships develop over time and while I friendships may have grown they also changed. Here it is much different, people are very set in their social circles and don't really let others in. Those that are in committed relationships, do not really go out of their way to include others who may not have relationships. I have been extremely lonely this summer. While I really enjoy the boy, he does not have a lot of time to spend with me. Especially on the weekends when I do have free time, which in turn, just makes me lonelier. Sometimes I think it is just because he does not want to spend time with me, other times I think it is just because he doesn't care. I don't think either of these are necessarily true, but it is how it makes me feel. Having friends who are single, makes it easy to spend time with them because they have free time like you do.

So, to balance out the emptiness in my life I have TRIED looking into things that may be of interest to me. I don't want to just sit around waiting for the boy all of the time either, he is very independent and self-sufficient, so he doesn't really need me. I am sure there will be more to come on that front. I joined a cooking/recipe club through Meetup.com they are meeting for the first time this Friday so we will see how that goes. There is also a book club, a hiking club and a dinner club that I signed up for as well. I am going to pick up the book today so that I can start reading it. Maybe I will make some friends that I have other common interests with. I am going out to visit my girls and friends at the end of August, and going to the Open, and I know the boy thinks that this is a really good idea, and in a way I agree with him, but at the same time, I am not sure how that really helps me here.

I am going to look into some volunteer opportunities as well or getting involved in some other areas too. I sent a note to a friend here who I really like. She is married, and she and her husband both keep odd hours, and they are not planning kids, so she is a lot of fun to be with. I have not heard back from her though and I put a whole bunch of ideas and thoughts in there. I think that is the hard part too is just all of the rejection, it really makes you start to feel bad about yourself and wonder, what is wrong with me. My sister, don't know what I would do without her, but we don't really get to talk, she sees me putting time into a relationship she doesn't think is going anywhere, we never get to do things together, it is just a lot harder when she has a family and doesn't make any time for me. I don't really get it to tell you the truth, I mean even my friends out East that were married made time for a girls night. We sit in the driveway or the yard and have cocktails, but it just is not the same.

Maybe changes will come, I like to plan things, no one else here seems to though, maybe I will make friends that do. I am looking forward to the meeting Friday and the hike on Sunday. Sunday is my sister's birthday. I planned a girls night to the Saints game, some of the people that I was hoping would be there are not able to make it which is disappointing, but there should be 6 of us which should be fun. At least I have some plans this weekend. The boy will go up to the lake house, and promptly forget about me, I don't know, maybe that is just what it feels like is all.

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