Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Relationships

Can be hard and frustrating. We set our expectations higher I think for those we care about more. The boy and I love going up to the lake. I am a planner, an organizer, it is what I do for a living. I also do it in my personal life. I started a wine club, I plan three events per month and I enjoy it. I also like to plan parties for my friends and I. When it comes to going up to the lake, I like to plan there too. Meals. It is important because there is not a grocery store nearby and once we get up there we like to just stay and not go anywhere or do anything. So, I plan meals. I start this well in advance. Maybe I see a recipe that I would like to try and share with his family, maybe he mentions something he would like to have, whatever it may be. I also feel the need to bring things and take care of things so as not to be free loader or take advantage of others.

This has now been looked at by his brother and his brothers girlfriend as controlling and that I am taking things over. This stems from over the fourth. I did plan meals with his mother the week before we went up. Needed to. It was going to be her first time up there since her surgery and I also wanted to make it clear to her that she should not feel the need to do anything but continue to take care of herself to get back to 100%. The boys brother and his girlfriend were in S. Dakota with her boys the week before and they did not bring anything up to us before they left regarding planning meals, and we did see them the day before they left for their trip. There were 13 of us up there over the 4th, UMMMMM, there was a NEED to plan meals. But, I guess I am just controlling and trying to take over. I am ticked.

I am hurt, I don't want to go up there anymore, I don't want to do anything, I don't want to be around them, especially when they personally attacked me and my personality. I know that this stems from the fact that the boy spoke to his brother over the 4th about the fact that her boys were being rude and disrespectful to me and that we did not care for their actions. This upset the girlfriend and I can understand that, but again, her boys were not behaving and at one point almost rode my head over with a water bike. They do not have any manners and are not polite. They never say please, thank you or excuse me and are just rude. They also eat everything in sight that they want to. I have just had it. I know I am venting, but I am ticked and don't know what to do. If she is confronted by me she will take the oh I didn't say that or mean anything by that. But I just hate being talked about behind my back. They told the boys parents that they would not be surprised if the next time they come up to the lake the pictures on the wall had been changed. Now how does one take that. Sorry to vent, but I have not slept all night, my eyes are puffing from crying and the worst part is the boy did not even come to my defense and call his brother or defend me to his parents. Yeah sure he doesn't like conflict, but I also guess I know now how he feels about me too. . . . .

sorry, having a poor me day and have to get through a full day of facilitating and planning a session here in Green Bay. . . .

12 comments:

http:\\jaxhouse.livejournal.com said...

Oh Jilly, so soryr to hear this! This is on them, their problem, don't change yourself you are a great person and it all comes from the goodness of your heart. Some people take issue with that, but again that is their problem.

an boys will be boys, I don't think that means he agrees but any means.

I must say, when I started reading your post, I was thinking. Man, I wish we lived closer we are SO MUCH alike.

Sorry you are having a rough day. Smile!

Cloggsy said...

Oh no, I'm sorry to hear this. You are a strong cookie and clearly the one with the strong mind here - you are the one trying to make everything run smoothly and then some bastards come and fuck it all up.

Screw em and be thankful you are so wonderful!

Tres Poshe Preppy said...

Planning is not taking over, it's making life easier (for everyone). You are a genuine person and I'm sure this hurts but I found myself in a similiar situation and usually, people who are not planners are sometimes jealous of people who have it together. Don't let their crappy actions ruin your time at the lake, even though I know it's probably hard not to think about. Families, whatcha gonna do?!?

RED said...

You know, families will be families and there is always something - especially when in close confines and you see each other more frequently (at the lakehouse, all summer long) but the fact that the Boy didn't stand up for you is the most dissappointing. Sounds to me that he has some explaining to do. I'm sure though, that you two can talk it out.
This is kind of passive-agressive, but you could always just go back to the lake but don't plan a thing. Just 'go with the flow' and they will most likely realize how much they appreciate your planning/consideration. Either way, I don't think you can stop going up to the lakehouse- it may just be me (super stubborn) but there is no way I would let someone ruin my fun. Maybe you divide and conquer, you do Saturday night's meal and they do Friday night, or something like that.
Everything'll work out, I am sure. Chin up.

Kerry said...

Ok... you are so able to vent on your blog so don't apologize for doing so... and OMG! I can not believe people could be so rude! How can they possible complain about being fed and taken care of? They are the ones who are rude! And the children's behavior is a reflection of how they are being raised... so it is no surprise the children are also rude. I am so angry just reading how they treated you - you don't deserve that! They should be thankful!

CBM said...

Jilly, I hope you're feeling better! All that you can really do is continue to be the nice, organized, and helpful person that you are. If people have a problem with that, it sounds like something that really has more to do with them than you. It'll pass, I'm sure.

sisters with style said...

I got mad just reading your blog. I can't imagine how YOU feel. I'm with Cloggsy. Screw em.

Britt said...

Relationships are hard...ESPECIALLY when they involve family, particularly yours or your loved ones. Cheer up and just remember that they would probably all fall in the lake without your planning! Good luck!

gsn said...

The problem is with them (brother and his girlfriend) and not you. You are a terrific person with a beautiful heart and there are people who have problems with that. I agree with Kerry about the kid's behavior being a reflection of their parents. Children learn what they live. Unfortunately, the only thing you can change is your reaction to their behavior. I'm disappointed about the Boy not sticking up for you. Do what feels right in your gut.

Suburban Magnolia said...

Jill..........I hate that you are going through this. I love planning stuff, and if I didn't do it, no one ever would and no would eat or have clothes or anything like that. I believe that some people are jealous of people like us. It takes a special talent to be able to organize and plan things. Sometimes though it can seem a bit overbearing, and its hard to pull back. I do that quite often. Don't change yourself at all.

Jill@Who Could Ask for Anything More said...

Oh, gosh. Sorry this has happened. The whole "family" thing can be really hard sometimes. I don't really have any advice...but I do wish your guy would have stuck up for you.

Kimba Rimba said...

Would it be possible for me to obtain their info and let them know what's up?

I hope it is going better, planning all of that is very kind. If i had a drink in me i'd tell them to go f'in screw.

Aww, now i feel better! :)

Big hugs!

 
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