Wednesday, August 22, 2007

More on Relationships

I got through the day. There were times that I didn't think I would but I want to thank you all for your thoughts, advice and kind words. This has been such a weird week for me.

When I got back on Sunday from the lake, my sister told me that one of the girls from my MOCA Young Survivors group had passed away that day. She was my age, a month younger, diagnosed almost to the day that I was and her name was Jill. Weird. She and I were not close, in fact more the opposite, she was an intrusive type of person always trying to tell me how to take care of myself, but again, that was just her style. Her mom passed away last August, also from Ovarian cancer. I am happy that they are both at peace together, Jill fought a long hard battle, never once being in remission. I did not go to the service, she was Jewish and I was not very close with her or her family, so it all happened very fast this week. I knew through her emails over the past couple of months that she had taken a turn for the worse. I have different reactions to things like this, for some reason this time I was very matter of fact. Everything for a reason. It also seems to have completed my three. The third death close to me in five months. Relationships are hard.

I had Tango and Cash's dad over for dinner tonight. He is a wonderful person. Going through a divorce at the moment, which I know first hand is not easy, but sometimes necessary. He is dealing with it the best way he can and I hope that he knows that through this all I am here for him. I enjoyed his company tonight, we had a nice dinner and I shared with him the happenings between the boy and I. He understood and gave me the male perspective which was good. I don't know what is going to happen at this point or how I feel but I do know that I just need to take a step back and think about things and how I feel. I really don't think that I can live with the military being that big of a piece of my life. If he decides to not renew his contract with the military, why was it that hard of a decision to make, knowing what he would be sacrificing?

Relationships are hard. . .but I will get through this just like I have gotten through every other aspect of my life so far. I think the fact that I cannot see a clear line between my life and his right now tells me that I seem to have lost myself somewhere along the way and I need to find that again. Relationships are SOOOOO hard. . .


tulipmom said...

I don't have anything profound to offer, just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you and hoping things fall into place or at least become clearer.

Suz said...

I'm the last person to offer advise so just hang in there and know we're thinking of you.

And Open time - we have to grab a drink!

Julia said...

I'm sorry I haven't been reading, it sounds like alot is going on, I'm thinking about you!