Thursday, October 19, 2006

Friendshifts

A common theme here for me has been friendships. They are very important to me. Being out East on my own for almost 18 years taught me to really value and treasure the friends that I had because that was all I had out there and my family was back here. My friends were always very supportive and encouraging and just there for me in general and I like to think that I was the same in return. I still value those friendships greatly and miss my girls dearly and think (if not talk to) of them daily. Friendships here in MN are quite different. Already established (if you have read any of my earlier posts, they start accepting applications in kindergarten and stop around high school) friendships are the norm and it is hard to break into any circles. Most people are married with children and if you are not, in general there is something wrong with you. I have made a few friends here and then learned along the way that they were not the types of friendships that I had become accustomed too, so I felt I was better off without the drama in my life. Some of these people have come back into my life recently. I was okay with a little here and there, but not the the extreme that it once was. It is hard though, not having friends here can be lonely, my sister has her family so her time is very limited (I am with them all the time pretty much anyway) and thinking about the boy leaving makes me sad too, because I will be alone here again. This is not for lack of trying. I play tennis, take two classes per week, started a wine club, belong to a book club and I am very outgoing, but like I said, MN is tough.

I am thinking about all of this because of the one person who has been in touch with me quite a bit lately. At heart, I think that she is a good person and we always had a lot of fun together. I also think that she is a very selfish and self centered person who has a hard time seeing the big picture. She has always come to me for advice in the past, and now has been doing so again. Boy related of course. Why do men think that it is okay to say, when they are breaking up with you no less, "I would really like to still be friends". I mean I know that we are all adults here, and it is supposed to be okay to say something like that, but maybe give it some time and wait a few days, don't say something like that while you are breaking up with someone. I am friends with most of my ex'es, and I don't hide that fact, but if there are cases where I am not, it is usually for good reason. I just think something like this is crazy. I think that she is better off without him, and said as much, and I feel for her, but at the same time, I have my own stuff to deal with at the moment and need to focus on that. So unfortunately, while I will try to be a sounding board, I am not going to be there to pick up the pieces. I feel badly about this, but there is too much history there. . . .

3 comments:

Lisagh said...

Hey Jilly. I totally empathize with your situation. Have you ever considered joining a women's organization or club to meet new people with common interests? I have been a member of the Junior League for 5 years and I've met tons of great people through it. Not only do you get to meet cool people, but you get to do great things for the community. There's a League in Minneapolis... if you want any more info, just drop me a line.
Lisagh

Meg said...

Jilly, I've been in the position of starting over in a new place and making new friends...kind of scary when everyone is already settled in groups. It sounds like you are doing all that you can to be involved and meet people. It may take awhile, but I believe what you're doing will pay off in the end. Best of luck, and keep your chin up.

Anonymous said...

Luckily I have weeded out all the bad friends from the past. Thank God.

 
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